The Horrible History of Jones by G.K.Chesterton Jones had a dog; it had a chain; Not often worn, not causing pain; But, as the I.K.L. had passed Their 'Unleashed Cousins Act' at last, Inspectors took the chain away; Whereat the canine barked 'Hooray!' At which, of course, the S.P.U. (Whose Nervous Motorists' Bill was through) Were forced to give the dog in charge For being Audibly at Large. None, you will say, were now annoyed, Save, haply, Jones - the yard was void. But something being in the lease About 'alarms to aid the police,' The U.S.U. annexed the yard For having no sufficient guard. Now if there's one condition The C.C.P. are strong upon It is that every house one buys Must have a yard for exercise; So Jones, as tenant, was unfit, His state of health was proof of it. Two doctors of the T.T.U.'s Told him his legs, from long disuse, Were atrophied; and saying 'So From step to higher step we go Till everything is New and True.' They cut his legs off and withdrew. You know the E.T.S.T.'s views Are stronger than the T.T.U.'s: And soon (as one may say) took wing The Arms, though not the Man, I sing. To see him sitting limbless there Was more than the K.K. could bear. 'In mercy silence with all speed That mouth there are no hands to feed; What cruel sentimentalist, O Jones, would doom thee to exist - Clinging to selfish Selfhood yet? Weak one! Such reasoning might upset The Pump Act, and the accumulation Of all constructive legislation; Let us construct you up a bit ญญ- ' The head fell off when it was hit: Then words did rise and honest doubt, And four Commissioners sat about Whether the slash that left him dead Cut off his body or his head. An author in the Isle of Wight Observed with unconcealed delight A land of just and old renown Where Freedom slowly broadened down From Precedent to Precedent. And this, I think, was what he meant. Note: Tennyson lived on the Isle of Wight for the last 40 years of his life. The lines "A land ... precedent' are from Tennyson's "You Ask Me, Why, Tho' Ill at Ease" (see http://eir.library.utoronto.ca/rpo/display/poem2192.html)